Bena Mae’s Kitchen: What to say at a funeral

Some of us are reluctant to go to a funeral because we don’t know what to say. Often, after expressing our condolences to the bereaved family, we chastise ourselves by wondering if we said the right thing, or if what we said came out the way we intended. It is a problem for all of us because we sincerely want to convey our sorrow in the most meaningful way.
For those who find this a problem, I found this helpful advice on how to handle this. So if you do want to go and pay your respects and want some ideas about what to say, here are some suggestions that might make it easier for you:
Talk about what you fondly remember about the deceased. Sometimes people think that they shouldn’t say these things because they may upset the bereaved. Quite the opposite is true. It is comforting to know how much the deceased meant to others. So, even funny stories are good.
When my own father died and people from his work came, they told funny stories about him at work. It was a side of my dad I did not know. It was comforting to hear how much he was admired. I really appreciated this. Most do.
If you knew the deceased well, say how much you are going to miss them. How sad you are. How sad you must know the bereaved are. It is okay to be sad. It is okay to show that you are sad. A death is a sad time, regardless of the age of the person who died. A loss is a loss. It is not the time to judge a loss. It is not the time to say, “Well, they had a good run.” They are still someone’s mom or dad, even if they are 90. It is hard to lose anyone, regardless of age. Be mindful of that.
If words fail you, give a hug or a squeeze to the bereaved. This is the perfect time to do that. Sometimes words are not necessary. Some things are truly left better unsaid.
I’ve often found that attending a funeral can be a joyful experience, and that is not to say that we aren’t mindful of the passing of the deceased. But when old friends get together on this occasion, sad though it may be, old memories are dredged up, many of them funny, some nostalgic, it brings a togetherness of our past lives and an introspective of what an important part the life of the one who has passed on played in it. He or she is a part of the fabric that we are made of and our memories will always include them. So we honor their passing with thoughts of sadness, but always with a feeling of thankfulness for having known them.
I hate it when people say, “he or she is in a better place.” I disagree. A better place is at home with a family who loves them.

Strawberries and Cream Poke Cake

Cake:
1 (15.25 oz) boxed white cake mix
1 cup boiling water
1 (3 oz) box strawberry flavored Jell-o
1/2 cup cold water
Frosting:
1 (8 oz) tub Cool-Whip non-dairy whipped topping
1 (8 oz) package cream cheese, softened
1 cup powdered sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla
Topping:
1 pound strawberries, diced

Make cake as directed on the back of the box for a 9×13 pan.
Let the cake cool for 20 minutes and “poke” the cake with a large fork (I space my pokes about 1/2 apart and do it until the entire surface of the cake is covered).
Mix together the boiling water and Jell-o until the Jell-o is completely dissolved. Pour in the cold water and mix well then pour over the cake.
Cover the cake with plastic wrap and refrigerate for three hours.
Combine the Cool-Whip, cream cheese, powdered sugar, and vanilla and beat until smooth (I have found that it’s easiest to use an electric mixer, but you don’t have to). Spread on top of cake.
Top with strawberries and keep in the fridge until ready to serve.