Bena Mae’s Kitchen: Problem’s with Aging

In Nora Ephron’s best-selling book, I Feel Bad About My Neck, she laments the sorry state of her 60-something neck: “Our faces are lies and our necks are the truth. You have to cut open a redwood tree to see how old it is, but you wouldn’t have to if it had a neck,” she writes.
Every time I look at a photograph of myself, I see the turkey wattle on my neck beneath my chin. It used to bother me but after suffering the ravages of age, it becomes more and more trivial. I am repelled when I watch the Real Housewives of Beverley Hills with all their Botox and plastic surgery and think, don’t get too close to the sun or you’ll melt. I hate their attempts at trying to stay young at any cost but I watch it anyway. It’s like watching a train wreck, It’s horrible but you can’t take your eyes away. The women are narcissistic and self-centered and most of them have the I.Q. of a head of broccoli. I HATE THE SHOW. Still, I watch it but not before I take an anger-management pill.
Nora goes on to write, “Every so often I read a book about age, and whoever’s writing it says it’s great to be old. It’s great to be wise and sage and mellow; it’s great to be at the point where you understand just what matters in life.
This is a lot of crap. What matters to me in my life is having the strength to do menial housework without tiring out so often. And to cook a meal without having to sit down to peel a potato. I’m not thinking about anti-wrinkle cream when I’m scrubbing the toilet bowl. And If I were any more mellow, I’d be like an over-ripe cantaloupe. As for being wise and sage, tell me this when I leave my keys in the fridge or put a carton of milk in the microwave.
The TV commercials are flooded with ways to look younger. Don’t they know that looking younger is not as important as FEELING younger? Ask any senior citizen. And Nora, it is not “great to be old.” It is what nature imposed upon us and we accept it, but not with open arms.
As I said before, age creeps upon you subtly one day at a time. One day you’re young and spry and dancing in a field of daisies. And before you know it, you are anticipating sleeping beneath the daisies.
We have a rest home here in town that sits directly across the street from a cemetery. Bad planning. Imagine lying in bed and looking at your future home.
But aging has its lighter side. I now have earned the right to tell someone off if they rattle my cage–especially service people who try to take advantage of my doddering years. My brain is still sharp and my tongue has not lost its ability to be razor sharp. What are they going to do? Hit an 86-year old?
Also, in the case of a hostage situation, I will be the first one they release.

Good Easter treat.

Caramel Cadbury Eggs Cookie Bars

2 1/8 cups all-purpose flour
½ teaspoon baking soda
½ teaspoon salt
12 tablespoons unsalted butter, softened
1 cup light brown sugar
½ cup granulated sugar
1 egg
1 egg yolk
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
2 dozen mini caramel Cadbury Eggs (rolos or carmello bars would work too!)

Mix all of the ingredients, except for the mini cadbury eggs, in a stand mixer with a paddle attachment.
Add 1 dozen of the caramel Cadbury Eggs into the dough.
Press the dough into a greased or lined 9×9 pan.
“Squish” each of the remaining 1 dozen Caramel Cadbury Eggs and press them into the dough.
Bake at 350º for 40-45 minutes or until a toothpick comes out clean. They’ll be difficult to cut while warm– but oh, so delicious!