Bena Mae’s Kitchen: Funny Hospital Tales

Most of us are at a point in our lives where we spend a good deal of time in the hospital, either for ourselves or with a family member or friend. It is not the sort of life we anticipated when we were younger, but let’s face it, that’s what it has come down to. I’m finding that many social occasions, luncheons, and civic meetings are sometimes usurped or postponed because of doctor appointments or hospital tests. A common RSVP many times brings the answer, “I can’t be there because I have a doctor’s appointment.” It has become my own answer in response to several of these events. 
Like anyone with a chronic illness, I have experienced more than I care to of waiting rooms, doctor consultations and x-ray machines. But sometimes a little humor creeps in to lighten the situation. Case in point:
I was lying on a steel gurney in the x-ray room while the technicians prepared to take an x-ray of my lungs. After the first x-ray, they stopped the machine and announced, “There’s a safety pin in your right lung!” They were totally shocked, as was I. How did it get there, I asked myself. I COULD NOT HAVE SWALLOWED A SAFETY PIN WITHOUT BEING AWARE OF IT. The whole procedure came to a halt as we searched for the answer.
They had told me to strip from my neck to my waist, which I had done. We felt over every inch of my upper body, but could find no safety pin. And then it dawned on me.
Since losing weight, I had found it necessary to use a safety pin to tighten the band of my skirt so it would stay up. It had somehow hiked up to where it got in the picture when they took the x-ray. Mystery solved! What a relief!
I have a friend who has a knack of getting herself in embarrassing situations she can’t get out of. True story:
One day she was visiting her friend in the hospital. While her friend was napping, my friend went out in the hall and sat down on a bench outside the room. Also sitting on the bench was another lady whom she thought she knew. The lady had a newspaper over her face and appeared to be asleep. She had taken off her shoes and set them aside while she slept.
Eyeing the shoes, my friend decided to try them on to see how they felt. She slipped them on her feet and started walking up and down the carpeted floor. I like these shoes, she thought, turning this way and that, giving them a good tryout. She planned to ask the lady where she had bought them, thinking she would buy a pair for herself.
In the meantime, the lady woke up and was staring at her, wondering what the woman was doing walking around in her shoes. My friend looked at her and realized her bench companion was not someone she knew, but a perfect stranger. She took off the shoes, mumbled something incoherent and fled back into her friend’s hospital room.  
Although hospital visits are a dread and not something to look forward to, they can sometimes be amusing. So find a bench, make yourself comfortable, and observe human nature at its most entertaining the next time you’re waiting to visit a patient. You can see almost anything at the hospital.

 
This old favorite has made a resurgence on restaurant menus as an appetizer.  I like them dipped in a honey mustard sauce.

Fried Green Tomatoes

Slice tomatoes 1/2 inch thick. Discard the ends.
Whisk eggs and milk together in a medium-size bowl. Scoop flour onto a plate. Mix cornmeal, bread crumbs and salt and pepper on another plate. Dip tomatoes into flour to coat. Then dip the tomatoes into milk and egg mixture. Dredge in breadcrumbs to completely coat.
In a large skillet, pour vegetable oil (enough so that there is 1/2 inch of oil in the pan) and heat over a medium heat. Place tomatoes into the frying pan in batches of 4 or 5, depending on the size of your skillet. Do not crowd the tomatoes, they should not touch each other. When the tomatoes are browned, flip and fry them on the other side. Drain them on paper towels.