Bena Mae’s Kitchen: Disorder in the Court

Lawyers are always getting a bad rap. And sometimes they deserve it, sometimes not.
Before I retired, I was in the law enforcement division where I saw lawyers on a daily basis. I was surrounded by many good lawyers and early on developed an insight into what made some of them tick.
Now that I’m a homebody with lots of time on my hands, I watch a lot of trials on ID (Identification Discovery) and I’ve become pretty adept at solving murder cases. For example, I’ve come to recognize blunt force trauma and I can read blood spatter patterns. I also know it is not a suicide when the victim is shot 12 times. I’m good.
This has made me an armchair expert on court cases. I sometimes cheer for the defendant’s lawyer, but more often side with the prosecutor — unless they are truly arrogant and rude. Sometimes I wonder if the jury is even smart enough to dress themselves, since they don’t seem to have heard the case I just heard. But that’s our judicial system, take it or leave it.
A friend sent me a list of cases by a court reporter that left me laughing and wondering from what law school some of the lawyers graduated. This one gave me pause, and a laugh.
 ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
Score one for the witness. Zero for the lawyer.
I recall a story by Carl Hurley that took place in a courthouse in a remote area of Eastern Kentucky. The lawyer and his client were walking into the court room when the lawyer was overheard saying, “Get that neck brace off, we’re suing over a property line.”
An attorney asked:
How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
This attorney must have graduated from the school of agriculture.
But this one was the kicker. And it really happened in a courtroom.
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
OUCH!
My apologies to my lawyer friends whom I may have offended. I was just having a bit of fun. I respect and admire them for their part in the judicial system which deserves a light touch now and then. Especially since my only son is a lawyer.

White Castle Casserole

2 lb. ground beef
1 box dry onion soup mix (both packages)
2 tubes (12 oz. each) crescent rolls
8-10 slices American cheese
Mustard, to taste
Dill pickles, chopped, to taste
Additional condiments, if desired

Preheat oven to 350°. Lightly spray a 9×13-in. baking dish with cooking spray.
In a skillet, brown and crumble the ground beef with both packages of dry onion soup mix. Drain meat into a colander; using paper towels or a clean dish towel, press down on the beef and squeeze out as much of the liquid as possible.
Unroll one tube of crescent rolls into the prepared baking dish. Flatten slightly to seal the seams and cover the bottom as necessary. Top with ground beef. Add cheese slices. Top with pickles and drizzle with mustard. Unroll the other tube of crescent rolls over the top, sealing seams and covering the contents in the pan.
Bake for 15-20 minutes or until the top is golden brown and the cheese is melted.
To serve, cut into squares and serve with additional condiments if desired.