Bena Mae’s Kitchen: Disorder in the Court

Lawyers are always getting a bad rap. And sometimes they deserve it.
Before I retired, I was in the law enforcement division where I saw lawyers on a daily basis. I was surrounded by good lawyers, some mediocre and others I would never care to hire. So I developed an insight early on, on which category each one fit into.
From watching crime shows on TV, we have become armchair experts on court cases. And sometimes I wonder if the jury is even smart enough to dress themselves, since they don’t seem to have heard the case I just heard. But that’s our judicial system, take it or leave it.
A friend sent me a list of cases by a court reporter that left me laughing and wondering from what law school some of the lawyers graduated. This one gave me pause, and a laugh.
 ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
Score one for the witness. Zero for the lawyer.
I recall a story by Carl Hurley that took place in a courthouse in a remote area of Eastern Kentucky. The lawyer and his client were walking into the court room when the lawyer was overheard saying, “Get that neck brace off, we’re suing over a property line.”
An attorney asked:
How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
This attorney must have graduated from the school of agriculture.
But this one was the kicker. And it really happened in a courtroom.
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No..
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
OUCH!
Folks, let’s make this BE KIND TO A LAWYER WEEK. They may be an endangered species.

Caramel Apple Cake

1-1/2 cups canola oil
1-1/2 cups sugar
1/2 cup packed brown sugar
3 eggs
3 cups all-purpose flour
2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon ground nutmeg
3-1/2 cups diced peeled apples
1 cup chopped walnuts
2 teaspoons vanilla extract

CARAMEL ICING:
1/2 cup packed brown sugar
1/3 cup half-and-half cream
1/4 cup butter, cubed
Dash salt
1 cup confectioners’ sugar
Chopped walnuts, optional

In a large bowl, combine the oil, sugars and eggs until well blended.
Combine the flour, cinnamon, baking soda, salt and nutmeg; gradually add to creamed mixture until blended. Fold in the apples, walnuts and vanilla.
Pour into a greased and floured 10-in. fluted tube pan.
Bake at 325° for 1-1/2 hours or until a toothpick inserted near the center comes out clean.
Cool in pan 10 minutes before removing to a wire rack to cool completely.
In a small heavy saucepan over medium-low heat, cook and stir the brown sugar, cream, butter and salt until sugar is dissolved. Transfer to a small bowl; cool to room temperature.
Beat in confectioners’ sugar until smooth; drizzle over cake. Sprinkle with walnuts if desired. Yield: 16 servings.