Bena Mae’s Kitchen; Things we shouldn’t say

Things we shouldn’t say

Nobody should use someone else’s big announcement or good news as an opportunity to ignore them and talk about their own personal revelations. You’re talking about an exciting event that happened to you and without responding to anything you’ve said, they insert a bigger or more exciting detail of something that happened in their life that makes your experience more minuscule and less important.

They seem to feel that everything is a competition and they must top everything you’re saying. It happens to me often and I just shrug it off and say, some people just need the spotlight and feel it necessary to one-up anything you say, like their story is more important than yours. I’m saying it’s okay to let others have the spotlight once in awhile, But their announcement can wait until later. They don’t always have to steal someone else’s thunder.

Another no-no that makes me cringe is apologizing for a gift, be it a wedding, anniversary, birthday gift or what ever. A gift should be given gladly with an open heart and good wishes, no matter how small or inexpensive. Recently, I was taken aback by the remark of a friend, who, in presenting a wedding gift to a bride told her, “It isn’t much, but I have such a long list of people to buy for, it’s hard for me keep up with them all.” What does this say to the recipient of the gift? That she was one more addition to the burden of gift giving? Instead of wishing a happy future to the bride-to-be, she loads her down with a ton of guilt. This is inexcusable.

One of the hardest things we all run into is what to say to someone who has lost a loved one. We mean well and search for the right words to say and hope they will comfort the surviving members of the family. One of my least favorite phrases is “I know how you feel.” No, you don’t. You can sympathize with their pain, but losing a loved one is a very personal experience and everyone handles it in a different way. It can never be equated with what anyone else has gone through. A simple “I’m here if you need me, or I’m praying for you” is sufficient. It’s a hard judgment to make, but the briefer, the better.

A very common mistake many people make is comparing their illness to that of another. Every case is different, every treatment is designed for a particular kind of cancer, so there’s no comparison. Chemo is devastating to some people. The long arduous road to recovery is harder for some than for others. And the mental anguish is as big a factor as the physical pain. So saying “I know what you are going through, or you’re strong and you’re going to beat this” falls on empty ears. They don’t know what is going through your head as you await the next test results, the next report from the lab. Giving them empty platitudes is not giving them hope. Only God and the doctors can do that.

Do we listen to ourselves when we say to our children, “You can’t do anything right, or you’ll never amount to anything when you grow up.” It grieves me when I hear those words. Little minds are like sponges and these words stay with them for the rest of their lives. Instead of instilling confidence, they plant the seeds of doubt as they grow older and fall short of their goals. Some people have risen above these words, while others are haunted by them when they fail. Would the world have been different for many of them if they hadn’t been thwarted by an attitude of “you’ll always be a failure” in early childhood. It’s time for unthinking parents to stop this and build self assurance in their little ones.

I’m reminded of an episode of the old sitcom “Mama’s Family” in which Mama’s son, played by Roddy McDowell calls her in an excited voice and tells her that he has just won the Nobel Peace Prize.

Instead of complimenting him on such a great honor, Mama replied (and I’m paraphrasing) “I’ve been sitting here all week waiting for you to phone. Why don’t you ever call your mother?” Everyone reading this has probably heard something similar from their own mother, myself included.

Sometimes we need to listen to ourselves and think before we speak.

EASY STRAWBERRY DUMP CAKE

This dump and go dessert is fun to eat from a bowl on any afternoon of the year. However, its tropical banana, coconut, and pineapple flavors are particularly refreshing during summer months.

Ingredients
1 (21 oz.) can strawberry pie filling
1 (20 oz.) can crushed pineapple, undrained

1 box white or yellow cake mix, dry
1/2 cup ( 1 stick) butter
1 cup shredded coconut
1/2 cup chopped walnuts
 
To Serve:
2 bananas, sliced
2 cups whipped cream or whipped topping
1/2     cup chocolate fudge ice cream topping
Maraschino cherries
 
Instructions
Preheat oven to 325 degrees F. Grease or spray a 9 x 13 cake pan.
Spread strawberry pie filling into the bottom of the pan and top with the pineapple.
Sprinkle the cake mix evenly on top of the fruit. Slice butter very thinly and arrange over the top of the cake mix. Sprinkle with the coconut and then the walnuts.
Bake for 1 hour until lightly browned and bubbly.

To serve: Spoon cake into individual bowls and top with sliced bananas, a dollop of whipped cream and a drizzle of fudge topping. Top with a maraschino cherry and serve.

Serves: 12