Bena Mae’s Kitchen: I need some good karma

Kurt Vonnegut was the first person to say “If I had known I would live this long, I would have taken better care of myself.”  It was later repeated by Rodney Dangerfield, but no matter. Guess those years of boozing and hanging out in bars are catching up with me. Just kidding folks. I don’t drink and my mother cured me of the taste of whiskey when she put it in a hot toddy to break out the measles when I was a child.
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On with my story;  It was 4:00 a.m. Since 8 p.m., I had lain in a hospital bed watching a digital clock on the wall move slowly, minute by minute and still couldn’t go to sleep. The bed seemed to have taken on human form and was fighting every position I took to get comfortable. It was like a fight between myself and Mohammed Ali. And Ali always won. Finally, at 4 o’clock, out of sheer exhaustion, I managed to drop off to sleep.
At 4:30, after 30 minutes of desperately needed sleep, a bright light blazed over my head. I was startled awake to see a nurse standing over me. In her hand was a half dozen pills of all sizes. Now, as I’ve said before, I have trouble swallowing pills. My throat locks and my gag reflexes kick in. This happens when I’m fully awake, but at 4 a.m.?
This begs the question: Where is it written that medication has to be given at such an ungodly hour? Doesn’t it work if given at 8 or 9 a.m.?
Anyway, I explained my problem to the nurse who cheerfully said, “Oh, we’ll crush them and put them in applesauce.” I’ll never eat applesauce again. The burning acrid taste kept me awake until 9 in the morning when they brought my breakfast tray. Tepid coffee (instant) which I can’t stand, and dry toast with a scrambled egg that was so tough that it could have retread every car in the parking lot. Then it was back to wrestling with the bed. (And they send you to the hospital to get better, I thought.)
Bottom line, the operation — second in two weeks — was a success but the patient is slowly recuperating from the terrible food and uncomfortable conditions (the  bed from the torture chambers of the dark ages). My body still aches just thinking about it.
In the meantime, my family has been having its own troubles. My son fell and broke his arm. My daughter-in-law is recuperating from strep throat, and my grandson is suffering with severe pain from a root canal that went terribly wrong.  And Rocky, the boxer has a calcium deposit on his eye. The cats are okay, but aren’t they always.
So I sit here, trying not to have a pity party while I worry more about them than about myself, I seek escape in watching one of my favorite shows on TV, Investigation Discovery. Right now, the jury is deliberating on a case of whether a man was murdered or committed suicide. He was shot 12 times.

Get ready for the cool weather. This is a sure fire winner.

Awesome Slow
Cooker Pot Roast

2 (10.75 ounce) cans condensed cream
of mushroom soup
1 (1 ounce) package dry onion soup mix
1 1/4 cups water
5 1/2 pounds pot roast

In a slow cooker, mix cream of mushroom soup, dry onion soup mix and water.
Place pot roast in slow cooker and coat with soup mixture.
Cook on High setting for 3 to 4 hours, or on Low setting for 8 to 9 hours.